


Devil's on your shoulder (strangers in your head)

by artsyleo



Series: Tumblr prompt writing [7]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Flashbacks, Gay Male Character, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired By Tumblr, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21730756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: Write a piece in which a character suffers a loss of identity.My heart was beating so fast it tore through my ribcage, ripped through my flesh, jumped out of me, and landed at my feet, still beating...I may have had three different ideas for today's fic...(trigger warnings are in tags)
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Callum ''Halfway'' Highway/Chris Kennedy
Series: Tumblr prompt writing [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559737
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Devil's on your shoulder (strangers in your head)

It was like everything inside him was different, and breaking, and building up at the same time. Chris' eyes beamed back at him, a memory of him laughing - a day when he was carefree, before everything had fallen apart, when him and Chris were unafraid to be who they were, whatever that was. They'd never had 'the talk' - they hadn't had the chance to, and hadn't found the need; they were inseparable, and that was all they needed. Nothing else mattered.   
Until it did.  
The memory shifted and suddenly they were out in the field, dressed in their uniform, guns raised. Everything was loud around Callum, but he wasn't really there - he was standing in the field but without his gun, standing aside and watching as Chris ran forward. Everything was slightly blurry but Callum knew the memory like the back of his hand - it had been one of Chris' close calls. Except this time he wasn't turning back.   
Chris ran forward into the firing line, and Callum was screaming for him to stop, but no sound came out his mouth. Everything was going in slow motion. Callum heard the shot before he saw it.   
He saw Chris fall to the ground, but in that second his face changed, and it was Ben, his face bruised and bloody.  
Ben was dead.

Callum's eyes shot open and he screamed at the sight burnt into his eyelids. The bedsheets around him were suffocating him, trapping him as he hurried to get out of bed. He couldn't see anything in the dark of the room, and that just made him panic even more - where was Ben? It can't have been real, Ben wasn't there in his army days, he couldn't be dead - unless something had happened.  
He hadn't noticed he'd started calling Ben's name, but he couldn't see anything, couldn't work out where he was until he thudded into what must've been a wall, and sank to the floor, gasping.  
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm and reacted without thinking, swinging his arm out and hitting whatever had touched him. He heard a grunt but couldn't place it until a single hand gripped his fist, stroking gently at his fingers. Another hand came to his cheek, careful and calming. The person in front of him was muttering something that Callum couldn't quite hear, but they didn't stop - the noise was soothing to Callum. Whoever it was guided Callum's now lax fist to their chest, where Callum could feel a beating heartbeat - too fast to be a healthy one, but calming nonetheless. After what felt like hours, Callum's breathing had begun to steady, still gasping but not as fast. Now, for the first time, Callum heard the voice of the person in front of him.  
"That's it babe, it's okay, you're not there any more."  
Ben.  
That was Ben's voice.  
Callum only then realised that the room was only so pitch black because he was yet to open his eyes. He blinked them open, to a dim room, with *his* beautiful face in front of him. Before anything else could register he forged or ward, wrapping his arms tightly around Ben's shoulders, crying with relief into what he suspected to be one of the shirts Ben had stolen from him.  
"You were dead," he muttered. "You're here. I love you."  
He repeated that over and over like a mantra, whispered like a prayer into Ben's shoulder.  
"Hey, Callum, it's okay. It wasn't real. Just keep breathing with me, I'm right here, " Ben said, worry seeping into his voice, as much as he tried to stop it.  
When Callum's tears had dried, and his voice was hoarse from whispering, he became more aware of his surroundings. He was curled onto the floor of Ben's room at the Beale's, where the two had unfortunately decided to stay that night.  
So that meant -  
"Ben? Callum?" Kathy's concerned voice whispered from the other side of the door.  
"Leave it mum." Ben whispered when Callum's face pressed back into his shoulder in embarrassment.  
"Hey, Cal, look at me, it's okay," Ben whispered, stroking Callum's neck.  
When Callum did pry his face away from Ben though, the first thing he noticed was the blood on his chin.  
Immediately his heart started racing again when he followed the blood to Ben's nose, and then to his own fist.  
He'd hit him. He'd hit Ben.  
"Ben..." he muttered, bringing his own hand up to Ben's face, stroking gently, and when Ben flinched just slightly he pulled it away. Callum looked down at his own hand, and Ben's blood that lay on it. He could hear Ben trying to talk to him, but all he could see was the blood on his hands - it could have been Ben's, or Chris' at this point, but he scrubbed at his hands nonetheless, trying desperately to rid them of *his* blood.   
"Callum."   
Ben put his hands over Callum's, stopping his actions and making him look directly into his eyes. "It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."   
"I'm so sorry Ben."   
"Hey, don't apologise. It's okay."   
"I should be over this, I should-"   
"Callum?"   
A small, scared voice called out from the other side of the door.   
Lexi. Of course Callum had woken her up. She must be terrified.   
"Cal, you don't have to-" Ben began, concern showing in his eyes.   
"It's okay, I want to see her."   
Ben helped Callum onto shaky legs, and they walked over to the door and opened it. Kathy stood there in her dressing gown looking worried, with an upset Lexi curled up in her arms.   
"Callum!" she cried, and reached out for Callum, who promptly took her from Kathy.   
"I'm okay, Princess."   
While Callum and Lexi hugged, Kathy spoke quietly to Ben.   
"What was that? And what happened to you? Everything okay?"   
Ben sighed. "Just a nightmare, something to do with the army I think, I just got the brunt of it. He'll be alright, mum."   
"Daddy."   
Ben turned back around. "Yeah, princess?"   
"Can I sleep with you and Callum tonight? I wanna protect him from the monsters."  
Callum had a soft smile on his face, despite the tears staining his cheeks, and gave a small nod when Ben looked for his approval.   
"Yeah, alright princess. Come on, let's get you to sleep."  
With a hug for Callum, Kathy went back to her own room, and Ben took Callum into his arms before he could climb back into bed.   
"We're gonna talk about this in the morning, okay? I love you."   
"I love you too, Ben. Thank you."   
"Always."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is the combined prompts fic for the 7th and 8th cus I'm behind and lazy so yeet.   
> Also I still stand by the fact that Callum should have a PTSD storyline Tony would do so well at that but anyways enjoy and sorry if its unrealistic towards the end I'm lazy oop.   
> Leeeeoooooo


End file.
